Overcoming Grief and Loneliness

"But those who wait for the Lord (who expect, look for and hope in Him) shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up (close to God) as eagles (mount up to the sun); they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired."

Isaiah 40:31

God has led me to do this page to help anyone dealing with grief and loneliness in their lives.  I too have faced grief recently and know the feelings and heartaches that come from losing someone you love.

I pray this will reach the ones that God has planned to see this and that they will receive God's message on this page, to begin their healing.  Amen.

Grief and loneliness!   Almost everyone has experienced one or both of these conditions.  I'm told it's the number one problem facing people today.  Thousands encounter major losses in their lives daily and many never get over them.

For those of us who have experienced the lose of a loved one, divorce, or the severing of a close relationship, a grieving process is normal.  But when tragedy strikes and the hurt is unbearable, satan seizes the opportunity to try to bring permanent bondage by causing a spirit of grief.  The key to victory, I am learning, with God's insight, is in understanding the difference between these two conditions.  One helps the grieving person recover from the loss with the passing of time, but the other causes us to grow worse and sink deeper into despair.  That's where I was headed after the loss of my daughter-in-law----despair.

Confronting The Problem

The word lonely means "solitary ...desolate   ...dejected by being alone."   Loneliness often manifests as an inner ache, a vacuum, or a craving for affection.   Its side effects include feelings of emptiness, uselessness, or purposelessness.   A more serious side effect of loneliness is often depression, which can eventually lead to suicide.  There are many causes of loneliness, but many people don't realize they don't need to live with it.  They can't confront it and deal with it.

When something happens to make us realize things are never going to be the way they once were, it often creates crisis or trauma in our lives that can lead to a sense of loneliness and despair.   By its very nature, a crisis situation requires us to go one way or the other, to become better or worse.  Crisis always provokes change and change of this type is hard for everyone involved. 

When Laurie was killed, I felt like I had lost a part of me.  My heart ached and I just seemed to cry all the time.  Then I started building a memorial site for her and instead of helping, I seemed to get worse.  Working with her pictures and the website, were a constant reminder.  I cried most of the time I worked on her pages.  Then God inspired me to not stop with just her pages, but to build a site for Him.  One that would glorify Him and reach out to others.  That did help, but my freedom from grief was a ways down the road.  You see my grief wasn't just for myself, but for my son, who lost his wife, my grandchildren who lost their mother, Laurie's sister, Cindi, and Laurie's mother, Sharene.  I was crying and hurting for us all.  I seemed to have this crazy thought that if I cried enough and hurt enough, I could make their pain easier. 

Oh, how I wanted to take everyone's pain away and carry it myself.  I kept thinking, "If I could just stop their pain, then I could handle mine.  No.  I wasn't even handling mine.  How could I handle theirs. 

Another thing that definitely was working against me as well, was the pain that I saw in my son's eyes and my grandchildren's eyes.  The one thing a mother and grandmother wants to do, is take away the pain of her children and grandchildren.  Every time I saw the pain and loneliness in their eyes, I had to really fight against hating the man that did this to us---to Laurie.  That was a battle I fought often----hate.  I'd get mad at the man for causing me to have to fight against hating him.  Boy, this was a battle like I had never had to fight before.  I don't ever want to fight it again.

The Grieving Process

There are several stages in the grieving process, and shock and denial are two of the first things a person may experience when tragedy occurs.  I definitely went through it.  I kept saying, "God this can't be real!  Laurie can't really be gone!"   Although these may sound like negative conditions, God actually uses them to protect us from devastation.  To illustrate, consider an automobile's shock absorbers, which cushion the vehicle when it hits unexpected bumps in the road.   Without them, the impact would be so great that the vehicle could literally fall apart.

It is much the same way with people.  As we travel the road of life, God uses the shock absorbers of shock and denial to cushion the blows we receive until we can readjust and adapt our thinking to the sudden change.  However, we must not stay in shock and denial.   This is temporary assistance that should bring us to the point of facing reality and learning to deal with it.  I stayed in this longer than I had to or should have.   It took a loving, caring Internet friend to help wake me up.  Showing me that I had been in this long enough---really too long.  It was time to move forward.   I went into prayer after that and stayed there for a long time.  God spoke to my spirit that day and said, "I've been waiting for you to come to Me and give Me those burdens and sorrows."  Man oh man, how He loves us.

Anger

Anger is another stage people go through---anger at the person that caused the pain and loss, some could even blame themselves.  My son went through a period of that.  He kept saying he should have kept her home or went with her, because she probably panicked and didn't know what to do when she saw the car coming at her.  I told him, I didn't think she even had time to panic or think about doing anything.  The man that hit her was going 95mph when he first hit his brakes.  And 83mph at the time of impact.

The grieving person may question whether he himself might have done things differently and made the situation better.  He may also cry out in anger against the one who caused the pain, even if that person died.  I've heard of people doing this.  They get angry at the person for leaving them.  Now my son didn't go through this.  He kept saying, "Momma, she wouldn't have left us, if she'd have had a choice."

Anger at God is also quite common.  One may question, "If God is good, all powerful, and full of love for us, why didn't He prevent this?"  I went to God and I told Him I didn't know why Laurie had to die and others got to live---the man that killed Laurie lived.  I told God I didn't understand and that I was just a little bit angry with Him for not protecting Laurie. 

Now don't be so surprised at my telling Him this.  He knew it anyway.  He'd rather you be honest with Him than try to hide something from Him, as if you could.  You might as well tell Him what you're really thinking.  He will honor that more than He will your not being honest with Him.

Satan will try to convince us that God is not good and cannot be trusted.  But we know that is a lie, because satan ...is a liar ...and the father of lies...(John 8:44).

We must reach a place where we are satisfied to know the One Who has the answers and learn to trust Him.

All of these angry emotions are natural to a point.  But satan wants us to live in regret, so he seeks to place blame---and he takes it to the extreme.  He wants to keep us trapped in the past and cause us to live in permanent misery.  The best way to repay the devil for his devious plan for devastation is to do the works of Jesus.  Romans 12:21 tells us that we can ...overcome (master) evil with good.  Don't waste your life being bitter.  Let God take whatever has happened and allow it to make you better.   Do as I finally did.  Ask Him to allow you to ultimately help others who are working through grief and loneliness.

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Recovering from Tragedy and Loss

Whatever has happened to cause you to suffer grief and loneliness, as you seek and trust God, He will guide you in your recovery, if you will but let Him.  Don't wait like I did, thinking you could do it.  Without God we can do nothing.  I knew this, but I was letting my grief cloud my thinking.  When it is time for the grieving process to cease, God will say, "It's time now to get up and go on.  You must let go of the past and finish the course that I have laid out for your life.  I will never leave you nor forsake you, so be bold, be strong, courageous, and go forward!"  I thank God for my Internet friend, Dotty, who finally got through and helped me see that I had to turn to God and let Him take the pain and help me move forward.

Allow Jesus' resurrection life that is in you as a believer to minister to your needs.  Meditate on scriptures like Isaiah 40:31:  But those who wait for the Lord (who expect, look for, and hope in Him) shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up (close to God) as eagles (mount up to the sun); they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

The Holy Spirit is standing by to help you, just like He was me.  To comfort you, and to assist you in pressing on to fulfill God's marvelous plan for your life.

Remember:   God is not finished with you or me!!

Now before I close this page.  For those of you who were wondering why I always started satan's name with a small "s", unless it was at the beginning of a sentence----I always do that because I don't want him getting the idea that he's something important.  He just a ugly worm.

God bless you all.   I pray this page will minister to those of you that have gone through grief and loneliness or are now going through it.  Please don't wait to run to God like I did, but sooner than I did.    He loves you and He wants to comfort you, but He will not force Himself on us.   Run to Him now.  Climb up in your Daddy's lap and let Him hold you and kiss the pain away.

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